Fashionably Dead in Diapers: Hot Damned Series
Book 4
by Robyn Peterman
Genre: Paranormal Romance
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And I thought being half Vampyre/half Demon
was hard…That’s nothing compared to being a mother. Sweet baby Moses in a boob
tube, there aren’t any books on raising True Immortals so let me give you a few
tips…
~Make a map of every closet and bathroom in
your home if you enjoy having sex. Sleep deprivation can cause confusion and a
map will help if you only have seven minutes and thirty-one seconds. You’re
welcome.
~Parenting books are useless if you're not human. If your child is
half Vampyre/ half Demon I would suggest not using parenting books at all--they
can backfire like a mother humper. Trust me on this.
~Have sex.
~When your child tells you he has an imaginary friend, do not
discount this as fantasy. Often times your child isn't imagining anything. If
he persists with alarming and violent stories about this fictional buddy it's
probably a Troll. Do a thorough search of your home and kill it. Decapitation
works best. Some imaginary friends are harmless. However, it's wise not to take
chances.
~Have sex again.
~When in large crowds, make sure you hold tight to your child's
hand. Losing a child in an amusement park is terrifying. If you're truly
paranoid a parent could consider putting a chip in their child. If you do this
don't discuss it at dinner parties. People will think you are weird.
~At least cuddle.
~Playing with dolls is fun. Being one? No so much. If your child
ever finds a Genie in a bottle, flush it immediately. Many children wish for
things that are very difficult to reverse...like being doll sized. If this
happens, move to Oz. There are many people of small stature there. And yes, it
really does exist.
~Find a closet and go to town.
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Fashionably Dead (Hot Damned Series, Book 1)
Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do
not exist.
At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and
ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my
getting healthy equates with dead?
Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not.
However, I have to admit, the perks aren’t bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my
ass is higher than a kite and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my
wardrobe. On the downside, I’m stuck with an obscenely profane Guardian Angel
who looks like Oprah and a Fairy Fighting Coach who’s teaching me to annihilate
like the Terminator.
To complicate matters, my libido has increased to Vampyric
proportions and my attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue
Vampyre is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead.
Permanent death isn’t on my agenda. Avoiding him is my only option. Of course,
since he thinks I’m his, it’s easier said than done. Like THAT’S not enough to
deal with, all the other Vampyres think I’m some sort of Chosen One.
Holy Hell, if I’m in charge of saving an entire race of blood
suckers, the Undead are in for one hell of a ride.
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